personal feelings and kendo

by Anna
(Russia)

This question may seem stupid, but I'll be very happy if I'll get some sort of answer.

This question is not about waza, not about shiai, but about personal relationship. I have been doing kendo for about a year and I'm very very fond of it.

The fact is that my personal attitude to my sensei “spoils" the trainings. I'm very good at kendo among girls in our dojo and sensei spends a lot of effort to make me a good kendoka. But I'm often afraid to ask him something about kendo, feel shy when he is watching how I do any exercise, I take offense when he says that I'm lazy.

Recently, I noticed that I feel jealousy to other girls in our dojo, when sensei pays too much attention to them, and these things affect the quality of my training and me. I cannot concentrate. I think that I like my sensei very much.

What should I do to cope with it? What should I do in this situation?

Answer: Thank you for your post and I am sure that it takes courage to post it here. Even though I want to give you a good advice, this is far beyond my field. I am hoping some others can give you a good answer.

Liking your sensei is good. You should listen to your sensei and learn from him/her. In order for you to concentrate, you should control your feelings which seem hard for you to do at the moment. But I think you should.

Your sensei must pay attention to others so you should not feel jealous. But I understand how you feel. This does not matter genders of students and sensei. If you like your sensei, of course you want more attention from him/her. You want to be seen as a good student.

Hope others can give you a good advice.

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